Give up to be Happy.

We grew up hearing not to give up but life is not the same being an adult. Well , I've always wanted to grow up fast when I was a kid , what the hell I was thinking !! Life in England taught so many valuable lessons and meeting people from different walks of  life , life in Malaysia taught me how can I improve myself  in every aspects possibly , life in India...........you can just describe in one word - Incredible India! It's all about survival of the fittest and life in the USA taught me even more than all of the above said chapters.......... it's all about giving up.

Life is seen as paradise to many people who dream on living a life in America. It's just not a dream, it's beyond that. Life is not easy as what many people think. Many couples fail to make life after marriage not because they are in the US but it's because of  the life which demands a lot of  hard work and sacrifice. When people imagine earning in dollars is all about $$$$$ , the fact is every employee pays $$$$ taxes to the IRS.  You are responsible to keep your home clean , otherwise be ready to face charges by the Home Owner Association :)

Sometimes, giving up can make us happy in many ways. We can never be ALWAYS be right , so give up on trying to be right because being kind is nicer than being right :) Great relationships suffer due to trying to be right.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

Sometimes it's good to let go of control. First of all, there should not be control concepts in relationships , be it spouse , kids or co workers. I have seen wives/mothers who keep on nagging their husband/kids. Finally the relationship gets strained due to this. One has to understand how their behavior will impact another.

Blame - stop blaming and take full responsibility of our life. I see absolutely no point in blaming others. I cant stand it to hear mothers who curse their kids for silly reasons. Remember, being a parent don't give you the automatic right to drive over your child's life. If you cannot appreciate then do not strain the child - parent relationship by verbal abuse. Be careful with your words because once they are said, they can be forgiven but not forgotten ! Ultimately you lose peace of  mind by not giving up blaming others for mistakes they don't do.

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind”  Elly Roselle

Give up on limiting your goals. Once you think positively that you could do something, never look back and immediately your mind will absorb the positive energy and start working to achieve your goal. It's all in the mind set. Don't limit on what you can or cannot do.

"Change is the law of  life. And those who look only to the past or present are only to miss the future." John F. Kennedy

Give up on past. Dwelling on past can never bring us future. I myself  have been there and sometimes it hurts to think that I have actually spoilt my present due to thinking of  past. Everyone have their own regrets in life but living on the regrets are just so unhealthy. Not only we suffer stress and disturbed mind but we are spreading the negative aura around us!

Give up on trying to impress. Sometimes we just want people to recognize us and trying to impress will not really be rewarding. Take off that mask , be real and people will embrace us for what we are. After all , we don't lose being ourselves.

Finally , I've learnt giving up does make sense as an adult on certain notions in my life. I thank god sometimes I just come across wonderful souls in my life.. I am still learning !!

SAMPAH MASYARAKAT

Sampah Masyarakat is an all volunteer Non Profit Organization, founded in 2008 and is a movement to bring about attitudinal change in Malaysia's littering habits.

Run by the volunteers, they segregate the waste generated on the clean up days, sell the recyclables and pump the money back into environmental initiatives.

Real awesome job done by Malaysians. It's great to be back in my country and I am seeing a lot of things changed. Positive mantra will certainly develop a better society. Instead of  teens wasting their time in FB and internet stuff , it's a better choice to get them moving , meet like minded people and teaching them to love nature! I truly wish that I could be part of this group!

I still have my chance once I'm back to Bay Area, we have lots of  community services around  Alviso / Santa Clara. Cant wait!!

TUMMY!

We all have issues with the way we look. Ladies are willing to spend a bomb wasting $$$ to get the best look they want.

We cant blame them but sometimes I keep wondering that it's true that looking good improves on your self esteem. I've been chubby all my life :) and yes I was one of the bully victims at school. However, I learnt that a great health is best wealth of all times ! You dont want to look like Angelina Jolie or Aishwarya Rai and suffer illness. Mom keep giving me ideas and motivate me to lose the fat (most of my fats are accummulated at unwanted place!).

I think I can speak for most women when I say stomach fat is the HARDEST to get rid of! I’m constantly looking for ways to lose fat anywhere, but if I can get rid of  belly jelly, I am 100% in!
I'm truly a  Dr. Oz fanatic! I just love him !!! He's an amazing , cute dad , husband and most of all , a wonderful person!

Sooo are you ready to know the magic drink that Dr. Oz swears that White Tea literally melts away belly fat It helps metabolize your fat and also helps keep you from storing fat from foods! It’s ability to burn fat is actually so strong that it has been rated one of the most powerful drinks to lose weight! Drinking two cups per day is really all you need and the affects are incredible! Tea Party anyone? I am so trying this NOW!

I'm brown and I'm loving it !

No one can deny that we're living in a fast moving life where image plays an important role. Women of  today is faced with challenges of  handling too many things at once Human beings, we're all different and unique as god's creation.

As we've completed the first decade of  this millenium, being an Asian (that too of  Indian ancestry) SKIN colour is of  the "main" attraction people see in the society. Well, this conception existed centuries ago. Light skinned ladies are seen as beautiful people.

Indians Asians are very much obsessed with the skin colour and fairness creams. 10 years ago when I was the bride's maid of a relative, I wore an electric blue saree (which my mom chose and she think's I look good in it! ), the story started when the guests at the wedding started complementing me saying that they were not able to differentiate the bride and the bride's maid because we looked equally good. One of  my aunt commented saying that I'm brown and the bride is light skinned :)

15 years ago ( I was in school then ) I played hockey and netball for the school team. Well, I'm naturally born brown and I get tanned and dark very easily exposing myself to the sun. We never bothered about sunscreens and facials. My grandma used to comment on saying that I'm dark and I dont care about my skin. I overheard her conversation with my aunt "dont she know girls should not be long under the sun, these days it's tough to get groom for light skinned girls and she's dark".

It wasn’t the first time I'm forced to listen to comments about my skin , the topic has come up in my extended family several times, usually in relation to beauty, marriage, and the tan I get each time I step out for game. But their exchange also served as a reminder that, despite the backlash in progressive Indian circles, the color of someone’s skin continues to be an age-old point of contention dating back at least to British colonization, and perhaps even to ancient times.

I'm lucky that I've come across many open minded people and like I've mentioned in my earlier write ups, I've been showered in complements. I still remember the day I was out with Bee to the Japanese Garden in San Francisco. My darling Bee does all sorts of comical stuff trying to snap my pic, I was smiling out from ear to ear and a passer by walked in to say that I'm beautiful :D  Well, I believe Bee's quite used to this scenario in the restaurants, shopping malls and at places of interest. My point is, not to speak that I receive complements but the point that we all hang on beauty matter.

Beauty is skin deep. We must be thankful that God blessed us with a capability to lead our lives. Just see a girl who is deaf and dumb, see a boy who cant walk on his own. See a family in America hit by economy crisis and jobless. See the hunger of  helpless kids in Somalia. Have you seen the suffering of  a cancer patient on the bed on death ? My heart goes out for all of them.

The outrage in Indian social media reached it's peak -  FAIR & LOVELY the reigning fairness cream and Indian ad campaigns that try to dispel the myth that the most beautiful women from the subcontinent are the ones who could pass as Westerners.

But then, our obsession with skin color in the U.S. is equally alive, just in the opposite direction. The indoor tanning industry worth billions, surpassing that of China and India combined, and about 70 percent of young and middle-aged Caucasian women use products to make their skin darker. One of my close friend is willing to take the pain of  burns to get her sexy tanned look ! For Americans, a tan is associated with being healthy and athletic; the need to have some “color” in your cheeks, arms, or cleavage has become the norm. In a way, it’s comparing apples to oranges—the social implications of fairness cream in India can be vastly different than tanning in the U.S. But the truth is, such distinctions don't amount to much when people's health and positive self-image in both countries are under threat. 

I'm just shocked to see an Indian ad, Clean and Dry Intimate Wash to lighten up the private parts ! How ridiculous is that ? I'm just speechless as this looked like a real comedy stuff to me as I've seen the good and the bad side of  India. Instead of  improving on life aspects , the social media is manipulating the people to make billions in the cosmetic industry. I just wonder what Mahatma Gandhi thought when he stood by his principles to form India !!

The experience I've gained meeting desi ladies in the US, they'd always bragged about how California changed their rosy complexion to brown :)) Skin colour was the first thing run in their mind to look good. What can I say, the place and culture we grew up certainly influence and makes part of our personality. This inferiority complex or always nagging about self image is a kind of  illness. The thing would constantly hit their mind and make them depressed. It's ridiculous how Freda Pinto was pointed out to be very dark to represent an Indian beauty :)

People, because they think and they have memory, are born to discrimnate for one reaason or another. It's not only lack of beauty, it could be race, religion, intelligence, sexual preference, caste, or whatever. If  everyone on  earth were of same heritage or looked beautiful, we would invent preferences to differentiate one another. While we try to eradicate discrimination for all reasons, we should keep in mind, it's human nature.
We can never change people's thinking but we can choose what we want to be and how we want to be happy. I'm thankful for what I am today and  yes, I'm dark and I'm loving it! Here's the lovely Anu Hasan speaking for the rest of brown beauties!

Beauty from kitchen !

You can easily make homemade face masks from natural ingredients which can be found in every kitchen. In your own kitchen, you will find all the necessary ingredients to make a great mask. No expensive brand name products are necessary to get glowing skin.

Banana and tomato are very effective to refine your skin. It's  simple to make a banana mask and this can be very useful for you if it can be used regularly. You will need a ripe banana for this beauty mask. The banana is needed to be crushed and then mixed with honey to get a creamy mixture. You can use this mask on your face, neck and even in your hair. This mask has another usefulness too. This mask can be used to tighten the breast area.

Tomato mask is very useful for skin specially for the oily one. If you want to get rid of oily skin problem, this tomato mask is the right solution for you. Take a fresh tomato and crush it well to get better result. Then apply the crushed tomato on your face and leave it for 15-20 minutes. Then remove the mask smoothly with lukewarm water. This mask will remove the dead skin cells from your face and make your skin clean and healthy.

Blackheads

Crunchy Betty gives a pretty good run down of what exactly those little black things are:

Blackheads are just pimples that don’t have skin over them. That’s all they are. Because there’s no skin, and they’re exposed to the air, the top layer of gunk in your pores oxidizes and turns that darkish black color.
 

We still have so much complains about the blackheads that bug us now and then, even after bidding goodbye to teenage years ! Recently the doctors have introduced the baking soda as the nature's nurture for curing blackheads.

 Make exfoliation as part of the weekly routine. MILK & NUTMEG
 - I know I can talk about this but when it comes to doing it myself, the laziest on earth! Sometimes with the short of time, lack of  motivation or not in mood. I think many of us are there in the same boat. Especially for oily skin and getting rid of blackheads. Nutmeg helps get rid of the oil, offers the scrubby power, and leaves behind really smooth skin. The lactic acid in milk helps break down old skin cells so they disappear when you rinse your face. If you really want to take it up a notch, use buttermilk instead of regular milk (it contains even more lactic acid).

You could also use: Baking soda and water, lemon juice and sugar, or salt and sour cream.
How you do it: Simply combine your “scrubby” ingredient with your liquid/wet ingredient until you have a thin paste. Starting with a clean face, rinse it once with water, and then begin to apply your exfoliator in light, circular motions.
Concentrate on the blackheads, but remember to use a very light touch. Too rough, and you could damage your skin.
Do this for 3-5 minutes. Rinse well. Enjoy your clean face.

Food for soul!

THE LAME EXCUSES !!

We all make excuses. But the successful ones are those who can kill the excuses like the miserable maggots they are.

I’m too tired. I don’t have the time. I don’t feel motivated. I’d rather do nothing. I don’t have the money, equipment, space. I can’t because …

We’ve all made the excuses. Here’s how to kill them.

See the positive. Excuses are usually made because we don’t feel like doing something — we’re accentuating the negative. Instead, see the fun in something, the joy in it. And maintain a positive attitude, or you’ll never beat the excuses.

Take responsibility. Excuses are ways to get out of owning up to something. If we don’t have the time, money, equipment, etc., then it’s not our fault, right? Wrong. Take responsibility, and own the solution.

Find a solution. Just about every problem has a solution. Don’t have time? Start with just 5-10 minutes. Make the time. Wake earlier. Do it during lunch. Don’t have a gym membership? Workout at home or in the office. Don’t have the energy? Do it when you have higher levels of energy. You’re smart. Figure out the solution.

See your goal. This is your motivation — your reason for doing it. Sure, you could just lay on the couch, but if you think about why you really want to pursue a goal, you’ll be motivated. Visualize that goal and just get started.

Be accountable. Have a workout partner, a project partner, a team, someone to report to. If you have to meet a coach or partner, you’re more likely to do something.

Go ahead and make your excuses. Then do it anyway.

Amma....Mommy....Mom...being a Great Mother !

Parenting is a skill , this is what I've learnt throughout my life , I must admit that being a teacher back in Malaysia has taught me a handful of  knowledge on child psychology .There are ways of being a great Mom ! Discipline is the keyword , teach them that discipline is a form of  love.

1) Patience is everything. It’s easy to lose our patience, and infinitely more difficult to reign it in and redirect it toward a more positive route. Yet allowing our children to see us overly frustrated is never a best case scenario. Go for a walk, take a deep breath, count to ten… or 100. But practice patience from the beginning and you will likely find you have raised a patient child. Remember that children emulate what they see !

2) Reading session -  Make sure you read your daily newspaper in front of your child. You have every tool you need to help your children grow up smart. Endowing children with powerful vocabulary at the earliest possible time is critical to their cognitive development. Start when they are babies, and don’t stop just because they are suddenly able to read the words themselves. Reading with your child is not only a wonderful time for mutual bonding, it also helps to establish a habit that your children can carry forever. Read to them positive stories , inspire them with historical places or people. Try seeding the fruit of knowledge to your child at an early stage.

3) Time - Treasure  your time with your little ones. The years will turn to vapor soon enough. Today , almost all the moms are working full-time. This gets them so busy handling their own frustrations and doing their own things. Most of the people that I've known send their kids to baby sitters or leave them with grand parents ( especially in Asian countries ! ). Nothing can be compared to what a PARENT teach their kids. I have seen mothers who blame the grand parents for the discipline failure ! This is so wrong , no matter what , after work at the end of the day , mother / father must sit together with the child and ask whats going on his/her mind. This will not only build your relationship with your kid but also a signal that you care for the child. One should never miss seeing the child's growth !

4) Daddy - Treat dad with respect. If you show disrespect to your man , you are crushing a part of your child’s soul and damaging a bit of their future. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from, respect is always free.  Remember, children learn by example and you are their constant model. Show your son how to properly treat a woman and show your daughter what to look for in a man.

5) Attitude - Show good  behaviour. Don’t do things in front of your child that you wouldn’t want them to do.Never ever argue or fight in front of your child , the behavior will be registered  in your child’s eyes and mind. The same goes for all bad manners and negative attitudes like greed, laziness, making fun of others , anger, and the like. Be yourself, but be your best version as long as your children are watching. Show love and commitment to each other , definitely the child will grow up to be a good father / mother !

6) Give a chance. Children are often far more capable than what many adults allow themselves to believe. The earlier you start inoculating your child with independence, the more they will be able to help you and themselves to become more capable, well-rounded people. Yes, it can feel frustrating to take the time to teach a two year old to do something that you could do in a fraction of the time, but soon she will be three and have a strong skill set you can easily build upon. You can raise a child with a “Yes I can!” attitude, if you start with “yes you can” first. Dont keep feeding them , let them carry their plate and attempt their meal , yes they will mess up a little but at times we need to let them be and learn at young age. Let them do their own colouring.

7) Individuality. Each of us are unique, yet it is all too easy to project ourselves and our desires onto our children. This rarely does them or us any good. It’s okay to guide them in the right direction, but we should never try to mould our children into what we want at the expense of allowing their true selves to flourish. The best you can do as a parent is to instill your child with the best values you can until those valued are internalized, then stand back and wait for the tree to bear fruit. You want your child to be their best, but sometimes they have to find it themselves. Dont keep nagging to study , play or forcefully do something. Every child is blessed with a talent. Some are good in sports , music or science.... so identify what makes them to excel rather than making them to do what you want them to do.

8) Unity. Never allow your child to think they can come between you and dad. Unless there is blood or vomit involved, it is probably best to agree in front of the extra set of tiny eyes, and then settle your differences in private. Mom and Dad must always be a team and stand together with every decision. If you want your child to know they can’t penetrate the perimeter of your unity, you have to prove it. And on that note, it’s okay to say NO and mean it when you do. Don’t surrender to their whining or you are only teaching them that it is an effective means of getting their way.

9) Be human. Yes, almost all of us are required to work and no, we can’t always be attendant to our child’s every need. But we can do our best with the time we have, and never make our children feel as though they are a burden to our schedules. Make sure to set aside sacred time each day exclusively for them, and don’t allow anything frivolous to breach the significance of that time. Plan your time to spend with your child , be it running around the park , shopping , playing basketball or even cleaning your home. This will also discipline them to take care of themselves !

10) Be real. Just be yourself. Let your children see all sides of you. Be funny, strict, tender; affectionate, serious and vulnerable. By allowing your children to see all sides of you, you will be helping them to understand themselves infinitely more.

No list of  tips will make you a better anything, not without application placed behind the principles ! Do your best every day and if you fumble, do your best to start over tomorrow. The best tip, however, isn’t on the list above....use common sense and know that your children are watching everything you do. Though you might not realize it, you are the world to them. Do all that you can to make that world a pleasant place to live.

Beauty Tips....

These were the magical words of Audrey Hepburn......... simply love her !

For attractive lips, Speak words of kindness.


For lovely eyes, Seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, Share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, Let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, Walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a Woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows.


And the beauty of a woman, with passing years only grows !

Appreciate others and be happy !

This strategy works so well and it’s so simple. You can do this at home, at work, with friends, family or even with anyone at all.

You could even do it with a stranger. What the heck am I talking about?

I’m talking about feeling good. There is something you can do right now that will make you feel better almost instantly and here’s how to do it.

In order to feel better fast, you want to stop thinking about yourself and you want to turn your attention to others. You want to start thinking about someone else. And when you do this, you want to do something very specific… you want to tell that other person how much you appreciate them.

It sounds so simple, doesn’t it?

Well it works and here’s why. When you tell someone how much you appreciate them, you make them feel better; and when you make someone else feel better, you also feel better.

Make others feel better and you’ll feel better – and what better way to make others feel better than by letting them know that you appreciate them.

-There's nothing to lose in making ourselves happy and bringing in that million dollar smile in others ! Smile doesnt cost a thing !!!

Masked "Friends"

I believe many of us have certain things in life which we feel we could wind back the time and return back to the past to change many things ( things would have been different now ! ). Sometimes I feel that I should have been more careful in mixing and choosing my friends. However , we all learn a lesson at some point of our life.

The so called friends usually have a motive behind their conversations... could be anything , only if we can read their mind :) Back in high school , girls were so choosy... some just want to befriend the rich , the intelligent and the beautiful ones.... gosh......how ridiculous ! It was always a judgement through appearance !

You’re too fat or too skinny; your breasts are too big or too small ,  you are dark or fair skinned, you would be cute if…......... bottom line no matter what you do ! It's been almost a decade I've lost in touch with all high school mates.... we are now back in touch.... I've been getting friend request and message one after one through Facebook.........thanks to FB ! It's a kind of mixed feeling , some girls just add you to know what you are doing now!

There is no ending to some , who always love to pick on others based on appearance or possession. Beautiful women come in different colours , shapes and sizes , this is the truth.

In the walks of my life , having travelled across the globe from Asia to Europe and the Americas , I have met many types of  people. Fortunate enough to meet good ones , some people who never fail to amaze me....

Swami Vivekananda's Laws of Life

Here're 15 chosen gems gleaned from the immortal writings of  Swami Vivekananda that can well be termed as the laws of life :

1. Love Is The Law Of Life : All love is expansion, all selfishness is contraction. Love is therefore the only law of life. He who loves lives, he who is selfish is dying. Therefore, love for love's sake, because it is law of life, just as you breathe to live.


2. It's Your Outlook That Matters : It is our own mental attitude, which makes the world what it is for us. Our thoughts make things beautiful, our thoughts make things ugly. The whole world is in our own minds. Learn to see things in the proper light.

3. Life is Beautiful : First, believe in this world - that there is meaning behind everything. Everything in the world is good, is holy and beautiful. If you see something evil, think that you do not understand it in the right light. Throw the burden on yourselves!

4. It's The Way You Feel : Feel like Christ and you will be a Christ; feel like Buddha and you will be a Buddha. It is feeling that is the life, the strength, the vitality, without which no amount of intellectual activity can reach God.

5. Set Yourself Free : The moment I have realised God sitting in the temple of every human body, the moment I stand in reverence before every human being and see God in him - that moment I am free from bondage, everything that binds vanishes, and I am free.

6. Don't Play The Blame Game : Condemn none ,  if you can stretch out a helping hand, do so. If you cannot, fold your hands, bless your brothers, and let them go their own way.

7. Help Others : If money helps a man to do good to others, it is of some value; but if not, it is simply a mass of evil, and the sooner it is got rid of, the better.

8. Uphold Your Ideals : Our duty is to encourage every one in his struggle to live up to his own highest idea, and strive at the same time to make the ideal as near as possible to the Truth.

9. Listen To Your Soul : You have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher but your own soul.

10. Be Yourself : The greatest religion is to be true to your own nature. Have faith in yourselves!

11. Nothing Is Impossible : Never think there is anything impossible for the soul. It is the greatest heresy to think so. If there is sin, this is the only sin - to say that you are weak, or others are weak.

12. You Have The Power : All the powers in the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark.

13. Learn Everyday : The goal of mankind is knowledge... now this knowledge is inherent in man. No knowledge comes from outside: it is all inside. What we say a man 'knows', should, in strict psychological language, be what he 'discovers' or 'unveils'; what man 'learns' is really what he discovers by taking the cover off his own soul, which is a mine of infinite knowledge.

14. Be Truthful : Everything can be sacrificed for truth, but truth cannot be sacrificed for anything.

15. Think Different : All differences in this world are of degree, and not of kind, because oneness is the secret of everything.

As he said: "It is our own mental attitude, which makes the world what it is for us. Our thoughts make things beautiful, our thoughts make things ugly. The whole world is in our own minds. Learn to see things in the proper light..."
 

Gandhi's Talisman

"I will give you a talisman. Whenever you are in doubt, or when the self becomes too much with you, apply the following test. Recall the face of the poorest and the weakest man [woman] whom you may have seen, and ask yourself, if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him [her]. Will he [she] gain anything by it? Will it restore him [her] to a control over his [her] own life and destiny? In other words, will it lead to swaraj [freedom] for the hungry and spiritually starving millions?


Then you will find your doubts and your self melt away."

- One of the last notes left behind by Gandhi in 1948, expressing his deepest social thought.

Source: Mahatma Gandhi [Last Phase, Vol. II (1958), P. 65].

Women & Jealousy

If you've ever felt jealousy gripping you - I mean really gripping you - you'll know exactly what I mean. Your heart thumps against your breast, your breath seems to rasp in your throat as you gasp for air, and your emotions seem to ricochet between unbridled rage and helpless panic. Not only can jealousy suck your self-esteem right out from under your nose, it can seemingly rob you of any capacity to function normally at all. Jealousy has the capacity to break up relationships and families and destroy careers.


For many women,  jealousy has become a consuming emotion that afflicts them like a disease. They feel no power or control when an "attack" overwhelms them. One of the most interesting things about jealousy is that it appears to be becoming more and more prevalent in the modern world. But, even though it can act a little like a disease, it is not one. You cannot catch it from someone else. So just why is jealousy more prevalent among us than ever before?

Women in the western world have seen their status within society change markedly over the last few decades. We now have more opportunities to flourish and prosper on our own merits than ever before in history. In short, women in general have an unprecedented degree of choice in their lives.


Even women who may be appalled by Sex and the City can recognise that they can largely choose the terms of their romantic relationships. They can choose with whom and for how long. They can choose a career, or kids, or both. They can choose to go for it all. So why do so many women fail to celebrate this new-found freedom and hard-won equality? Why is it that instead of feeling empowered many women still feel insecure, trapped, and afraid? Because with the power to choose comes the chance to lose.

This simple truth holds a magical power to rescue you from the vicious grip of jealousy. But you must work hard to tap into this power - you will not feel it by simply reading the words.

You will also need courage. Women who believe they cannot cope with the possibility of losing tend to be the ones who get jealous. Jealousy claws at you when you feel afraid that you are about to lose something that you perceive to be precious, or something to which you believe you are entitled.


What happens when you feel jealous? How do your emotions make you behave? You become less likeable, more unreasonably demanding, less trusting, less objective - in fact you become less of everything you WANT to be, and more of the things you don't want to be. Your behaviour has the opposite effect of what you intend, and your jealousy makes you more likely to "lose" whatever it is that you're trying to protect!

On the other hand, women who can accept that there is always a possibility of losing tend to cope well by making the most of what they have. Instead of feeling afraid of losing their partner, a precious job, or maybe a close friend, they relish each moment of opportunity to be with the person (or within the job) of their choice. This attitude is what sets non-jealous women apart from jealous women. It is a very attractive attitude. Furthermore, once attracted by it, great partners and/or great jobs tend to stick by you!


Next steps for jealous women…

Recognise that you're only human, and accept with good grace the fact that you cannot make the whole world behave as you would like. However:

* you do have the power to choose many things

* you can always influence the behaviour of others (but not control it)

* if you choose wisely, and use your influence positively, you will maximise the likelihood of feeling confident, secure, and highly-valued

As a woman you can cope with far more than you think. Remind yourself of this fact now and then.

Take full responsibility for your jealousy - nobody is causing it but you. And, if you only remember one thing , remember this: if you let jealousy drive your behaviour, you will always increase the chance of losing what you are trying to keep.


There's no doubt about it - jealousy sucks!

As it is......

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” - William Shakespeare, “Hamlet”

One of the greatest sources of unhappiness, in my experience, is the difficulty we have in accepting things as they are.Without judgment, without wishing for otherwise.

When we see something we don’t like, we wish it could be different — we cry out for something better. That may be human nature, or perhaps it’s something that’s ingrained in our culture.

The root of the unhappiness isn’t necessarily that we want things to be different, however: it’s that we decided we didn’t like it in the first place. We’ve judged it as bad, rather than saying, “It’s not bad or good, it just is.”

It’s too negative to expect things to go wrong, they said. However: it’s only negative if you see it as negative. If you judge it as bad.

Instead, you could accept it as the way the world works — as the way things actually are. And try to understand why that is, and embrace it. As it is.

This can be applied to whatever you do: whether it be how other people act at work, how politics works and how depressing the news media can be. Accept these things as they are, and try to understand why they’re that way.

It’ll save you a lot of grief, because you’ll no longer say, “Oh, I wish things didn’t suck!”

Does it mean you can never change things? Not at all. But change things not because you can’t accept things as they are, but because you enjoy the process of change, of learning and growing.

Can we make this world a better place? Again, that’s assuming that it’s a bad place right now. But instead, you could say the world is just what it is — and that’s neither good nor bad. You can say that you’ll continue to try to do things to help others, to grow as a person, to make a difference in this world — not because you’re such a bad person now, or the world sucks, but because that’s the path you choose to take, because you enjoy that path.

As you catch yourself judging, and wishing for different — and we all do it — try a different approach: accept, and understand. It might lead to some interesting results.


“Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” - Lao Tzu