Gow dhaanam

My dear Ammakutty and Ammukutty.



Cows are considered to be purely sacred in Hinduism , thus the worship of  Kamadhenu is normal for hindu families. Cows play an important role in our itihasas and mythological stories as they are seen as mother who provides milk , thus they have lots of significance in hindu rituals. On our Amma's name , we chose to donate the cow and calf to a temple and this ritual is called Gow dhaanam. For the ever first time in my life , I witnessed and touched the cow and calf ! I was afraid of them but finally I learnt that they are so friendly. I called them Ammakutty and Ammukutty and later on we came to know that Ammakutty was pregnant! The grass and food was never enough for her. I was wondering why is she eating so much and we could never satisfy her hunger , but looks like the babykutty inside her tummy caused all moodswings for Ammakutty. Too many things to learn in India , It is INCREDIBLE INDIA !

Applying turmeric and kumkuma for Ammakutty!

That's me standing so near to the cow, I was excited of course!

Give up to be Happy.

We grew up hearing not to give up but life is not the same being an adult. Well , I've always wanted to grow up fast when I was a kid , what the hell I was thinking !! Life in England taught so many valuable lessons and meeting people from different walks of  life , life in Malaysia taught me how can I improve myself  in every aspects possibly , life in India...........you can just describe in one word - Incredible India! It's all about survival of the fittest and life in the USA taught me even more than all of the above said chapters.......... it's all about giving up.

Life is seen as paradise to many people who dream on living a life in America. It's just not a dream, it's beyond that. Life is not easy as what many people think. Many couples fail to make life after marriage not because they are in the US but it's because of  the life which demands a lot of  hard work and sacrifice. When people imagine earning in dollars is all about $$$$$ , the fact is every employee pays $$$$ taxes to the IRS.  You are responsible to keep your home clean , otherwise be ready to face charges by the Home Owner Association :)

Sometimes, giving up can make us happy in many ways. We can never be ALWAYS be right , so give up on trying to be right because being kind is nicer than being right :) Great relationships suffer due to trying to be right.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

Sometimes it's good to let go of control. First of all, there should not be control concepts in relationships , be it spouse , kids or co workers. I have seen wives/mothers who keep on nagging their husband/kids. Finally the relationship gets strained due to this. One has to understand how their behavior will impact another.

Blame - stop blaming and take full responsibility of our life. I see absolutely no point in blaming others. I cant stand it to hear mothers who curse their kids for silly reasons. Remember, being a parent don't give you the automatic right to drive over your child's life. If you cannot appreciate then do not strain the child - parent relationship by verbal abuse. Be careful with your words because once they are said, they can be forgiven but not forgotten ! Ultimately you lose peace of  mind by not giving up blaming others for mistakes they don't do.

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind”  Elly Roselle

Give up on limiting your goals. Once you think positively that you could do something, never look back and immediately your mind will absorb the positive energy and start working to achieve your goal. It's all in the mind set. Don't limit on what you can or cannot do.

"Change is the law of  life. And those who look only to the past or present are only to miss the future." John F. Kennedy

Give up on past. Dwelling on past can never bring us future. I myself  have been there and sometimes it hurts to think that I have actually spoilt my present due to thinking of  past. Everyone have their own regrets in life but living on the regrets are just so unhealthy. Not only we suffer stress and disturbed mind but we are spreading the negative aura around us!

Give up on trying to impress. Sometimes we just want people to recognize us and trying to impress will not really be rewarding. Take off that mask , be real and people will embrace us for what we are. After all , we don't lose being ourselves.

Finally , I've learnt giving up does make sense as an adult on certain notions in my life. I thank god sometimes I just come across wonderful souls in my life.. I am still learning !!

JEALOUSY

Just had to share this !

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. ~Jennifer James

Golden words

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering,
known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation...…a sensitivity and an understanding of  life that fills them with compassion,
gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.................
– Elisabeth Kübler-Ross


Came across the simplicity of  this statement.Typically.......I just want to extend this !

I'm brown and I'm loving it !

No one can deny that we're living in a fast moving life where image plays an important role. Women of  today is faced with challenges of  handling too many things at once Human beings, we're all different and unique as god's creation.

As we've completed the first decade of  this millenium, being an Asian (that too of  Indian ancestry) SKIN colour is of  the "main" attraction people see in the society. Well, this conception existed centuries ago. Light skinned ladies are seen as beautiful people.

Indians Asians are very much obsessed with the skin colour and fairness creams. 10 years ago when I was the bride's maid of a relative, I wore an electric blue saree (which my mom chose and she think's I look good in it! ), the story started when the guests at the wedding started complementing me saying that they were not able to differentiate the bride and the bride's maid because we looked equally good. One of  my aunt commented saying that I'm brown and the bride is light skinned :)

15 years ago ( I was in school then ) I played hockey and netball for the school team. Well, I'm naturally born brown and I get tanned and dark very easily exposing myself to the sun. We never bothered about sunscreens and facials. My grandma used to comment on saying that I'm dark and I dont care about my skin. I overheard her conversation with my aunt "dont she know girls should not be long under the sun, these days it's tough to get groom for light skinned girls and she's dark".

It wasn’t the first time I'm forced to listen to comments about my skin , the topic has come up in my extended family several times, usually in relation to beauty, marriage, and the tan I get each time I step out for game. But their exchange also served as a reminder that, despite the backlash in progressive Indian circles, the color of someone’s skin continues to be an age-old point of contention dating back at least to British colonization, and perhaps even to ancient times.

I'm lucky that I've come across many open minded people and like I've mentioned in my earlier write ups, I've been showered in complements. I still remember the day I was out with Bee to the Japanese Garden in San Francisco. My darling Bee does all sorts of comical stuff trying to snap my pic, I was smiling out from ear to ear and a passer by walked in to say that I'm beautiful :D  Well, I believe Bee's quite used to this scenario in the restaurants, shopping malls and at places of interest. My point is, not to speak that I receive complements but the point that we all hang on beauty matter.

Beauty is skin deep. We must be thankful that God blessed us with a capability to lead our lives. Just see a girl who is deaf and dumb, see a boy who cant walk on his own. See a family in America hit by economy crisis and jobless. See the hunger of  helpless kids in Somalia. Have you seen the suffering of  a cancer patient on the bed on death ? My heart goes out for all of them.

The outrage in Indian social media reached it's peak -  FAIR & LOVELY the reigning fairness cream and Indian ad campaigns that try to dispel the myth that the most beautiful women from the subcontinent are the ones who could pass as Westerners.

But then, our obsession with skin color in the U.S. is equally alive, just in the opposite direction. The indoor tanning industry worth billions, surpassing that of China and India combined, and about 70 percent of young and middle-aged Caucasian women use products to make their skin darker. One of my close friend is willing to take the pain of  burns to get her sexy tanned look ! For Americans, a tan is associated with being healthy and athletic; the need to have some “color” in your cheeks, arms, or cleavage has become the norm. In a way, it’s comparing apples to oranges—the social implications of fairness cream in India can be vastly different than tanning in the U.S. But the truth is, such distinctions don't amount to much when people's health and positive self-image in both countries are under threat. 

I'm just shocked to see an Indian ad, Clean and Dry Intimate Wash to lighten up the private parts ! How ridiculous is that ? I'm just speechless as this looked like a real comedy stuff to me as I've seen the good and the bad side of  India. Instead of  improving on life aspects , the social media is manipulating the people to make billions in the cosmetic industry. I just wonder what Mahatma Gandhi thought when he stood by his principles to form India !!

The experience I've gained meeting desi ladies in the US, they'd always bragged about how California changed their rosy complexion to brown :)) Skin colour was the first thing run in their mind to look good. What can I say, the place and culture we grew up certainly influence and makes part of our personality. This inferiority complex or always nagging about self image is a kind of  illness. The thing would constantly hit their mind and make them depressed. It's ridiculous how Freda Pinto was pointed out to be very dark to represent an Indian beauty :)

People, because they think and they have memory, are born to discrimnate for one reaason or another. It's not only lack of beauty, it could be race, religion, intelligence, sexual preference, caste, or whatever. If  everyone on  earth were of same heritage or looked beautiful, we would invent preferences to differentiate one another. While we try to eradicate discrimination for all reasons, we should keep in mind, it's human nature.
We can never change people's thinking but we can choose what we want to be and how we want to be happy. I'm thankful for what I am today and  yes, I'm dark and I'm loving it! Here's the lovely Anu Hasan speaking for the rest of brown beauties!

M.K.Gandhi

"The ideal that marriage aims at is that of spiritual union through the physical. The human love that it incarnates is intended to serve as a stepping stone to divine or universal love." - M.K.Gandhi

THE LAME EXCUSES !!

We all make excuses. But the successful ones are those who can kill the excuses like the miserable maggots they are.

I’m too tired. I don’t have the time. I don’t feel motivated. I’d rather do nothing. I don’t have the money, equipment, space. I can’t because …

We’ve all made the excuses. Here’s how to kill them.

See the positive. Excuses are usually made because we don’t feel like doing something — we’re accentuating the negative. Instead, see the fun in something, the joy in it. And maintain a positive attitude, or you’ll never beat the excuses.

Take responsibility. Excuses are ways to get out of owning up to something. If we don’t have the time, money, equipment, etc., then it’s not our fault, right? Wrong. Take responsibility, and own the solution.

Find a solution. Just about every problem has a solution. Don’t have time? Start with just 5-10 minutes. Make the time. Wake earlier. Do it during lunch. Don’t have a gym membership? Workout at home or in the office. Don’t have the energy? Do it when you have higher levels of energy. You’re smart. Figure out the solution.

See your goal. This is your motivation — your reason for doing it. Sure, you could just lay on the couch, but if you think about why you really want to pursue a goal, you’ll be motivated. Visualize that goal and just get started.

Be accountable. Have a workout partner, a project partner, a team, someone to report to. If you have to meet a coach or partner, you’re more likely to do something.

Go ahead and make your excuses. Then do it anyway.

Change your Karma !

Fall seven times, stand up eight.” - Japanese proverb

It’s inevitable: sometimes, life just doesn’t go your waychedule gets all messed up. You fail to follow your plan. Someone is mean to you. You feel like quitting something. You want to curl into a little ball and cry.

Life deals out its blows, and leaves us discouraged, angry, frustrated, depressed, drained. And once we’re in that bad place, in a mood where we just don’t care about anything, it’s pretty hard to get out of it.

But let me share a little secret to happiness and self-improvement here: all that stuff? It’s just in your head.

Yeah, it sure doesn’t seem like it. It seems that the slings and arrows of life are all coming at us. It feels like we’re a failure. But it’s true. It’s all in your mind.

How can I trivialize horrible things that happen to you like that? By making it seem like a simple mental problem? Because that’s what it is, and once you realize that, you are liberated — you have the power to change your circumstances!

It’s not an easy task, I’ll give you that. It’s incredibly, monumentally hard. Changing your mind and changing your life is a mental hurdle worthy of the titans. But it can be done. All it takes is a few mental tricks, and a lot of energy and willingness to keep an open mind.

“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.” - Swedish proverb


Let me give you an example , for the last couple years, I’ve struggled with exercise. I actually enjoy running and working out, but there are days when I don’t feel like doing a thing, or when I feel under the weather, and those days can stretch out to a week and that week can stretch into a few weeks. And then I’ve fallen off the exercise wagon and it feels like I can’t get back on. Gone were those days where I used to be a fitness freak ! Oh....just name it...I've done most of it with hectic schedule , classical indian dancing , yoga , gym , running....! I played hockey and volleyball with my high school students ! It was all till I went to London in the name of studies and life took a 360 degrees turn against me.....! I survived against all the odds... despite undergoing a surgery in London , not able to walk properly for a couple of months......returning home and concentrating on health first......I've missed all the enjoyment of exercise !


But then I use the first couple of tricks below, and my mindset changes. I switch on the positive attitude, and realize that my failure to exercise is actually just a stepping stone to fitness success. And looking back, I’ve had 6-7 of these failures, or stepping stones, and they’ve all led me further down the path to fitness. Today, I exercise almost every day, and I’m loving it.

The same is true of every other success I’ve had. This blog, for example, is a success in my eyes, but I’ve had points where I was discouraged by negative comments or emails. I flipped that discouragement around, however, and used the comments to help myself improve.

I had many failures along the way to eliminating my problems, but I made it there in the end, by not quitting. I have faced many tests of my patience and character, and failed not a few of those too. But through practice, I’ve gotten better, and while I’m not perfect, I know that I’ll only continue to improve if I keep the same mindset.

It’s all in your mind. Here are  tricks I use to turn anything bad into something truly awesome.

The power of positive thinking. I learned the power of positive thinking while I was quitting drinking coffee ( I used to drink 10-11 cups of coffee when I was in college ! ). When you just don’t see the point of all this suffering. And yet, if you realize that it’s just negative thinking, you can squash that negative thought like a little bug. Then replace it with a positive thought (I CAN do this!) and you’re back on the road to success. Recognize negative thoughts, squash them, and find positive thoughts to replace them. Works every time.

Failure is a stepping stone to success. This is what I tell myself every time I fall. I get up, dust myself off, and start again. Each failure shows you an obstacle you didn’t anticipate, and you can plan to beat that obstacle next time. Each failure brings you that much closer to winning. And you know what? Every single time I’ve told myself that, so far, it’s been true. I’ve succeeded. Getting back up is the main thing. The mantra is I keep on trying , not giving up.

Practice patience. This is what I tell myself when I get frustrated, when someone is difficult, when I begin to lose my patience. First, I vent somehow (talking to a friend or my mom or hubby  is one of the best ways for me). Then, I tell myself that this is a great way for me to practice my patience. Sometimes, I have to repeat this to myself like a mantra, but it works nonetheless.

Learning experience. Similar to the “stepping stone to success” trick above, but it can be used for anything, not just failure. If I make a mistake, if I make the wrong choice, if I have a bad day … I just see it as an opportunity to learn. Then I review it in my head, trying to figure out what went wrong, trying to learn from my mistakes. If you see learning as a wonderful thing, as I do, then you can see every mistake as a blessing.

Makes you stronger. “That which does not kill us only makes us stronger,” goes the famous saying. And while that’s not always true (sometimes we can be left weakened and ruined), I’ve found it to be true in most cases. Something is difficult? I will be a stronger person for having endured it. This has been the case for me when I went through problems as an adult striving hard to study and living in London , when I had stressful and trying times at various jobs , despite having friends who are not nice to you when you are nice to them ! I became a better person because of it.

Test of your character. I like tests and challenges. It motivates me to step up to another level, to see if I can meet the challenge. This is the case with my first marathon, which was very difficult for me (for various reasons). It wasn’t a particularly enjoyable experience for me, but I just saw it as a test. And when I passed that test, it was a joyous thing for me. This is true any time you go through a trying time — see it as a challenge, and try to meet that challenge. And when you do, you’ll feel great about yourself.

Turn the other cheek. Jesus said that instead of taking an eye for an eye, if someone hits you, just turn the other cheek. I don’t know many people who can meet this monumental challenge. I’ve tried it. It’s not easy, and the desire to avenge any wrongs is hard to quash. However, I believe that even making an effort at this will make you a better person. It goes not just for physical wrongs to you, but anything that anyone does to you. They call you a name? Thank them. There will be some people who say that you have to meet force with force, or people will walk all over you. To this I say, “Where does it end?” And I also say, “You are merely stooping to their level.” Rise above the pettiness of others, and become a better human being.

Love your enemy.It is one of life’s greatest challenges !  When you have anger toward another human being, give this a try. If you succeed, to any degree whatsoever, you will rejoice in this success. It is a miraculous thing.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” - Winston Churchill

Swami Vivekananda's Laws of Life

Here're 15 chosen gems gleaned from the immortal writings of  Swami Vivekananda that can well be termed as the laws of life :

1. Love Is The Law Of Life : All love is expansion, all selfishness is contraction. Love is therefore the only law of life. He who loves lives, he who is selfish is dying. Therefore, love for love's sake, because it is law of life, just as you breathe to live.


2. It's Your Outlook That Matters : It is our own mental attitude, which makes the world what it is for us. Our thoughts make things beautiful, our thoughts make things ugly. The whole world is in our own minds. Learn to see things in the proper light.

3. Life is Beautiful : First, believe in this world - that there is meaning behind everything. Everything in the world is good, is holy and beautiful. If you see something evil, think that you do not understand it in the right light. Throw the burden on yourselves!

4. It's The Way You Feel : Feel like Christ and you will be a Christ; feel like Buddha and you will be a Buddha. It is feeling that is the life, the strength, the vitality, without which no amount of intellectual activity can reach God.

5. Set Yourself Free : The moment I have realised God sitting in the temple of every human body, the moment I stand in reverence before every human being and see God in him - that moment I am free from bondage, everything that binds vanishes, and I am free.

6. Don't Play The Blame Game : Condemn none ,  if you can stretch out a helping hand, do so. If you cannot, fold your hands, bless your brothers, and let them go their own way.

7. Help Others : If money helps a man to do good to others, it is of some value; but if not, it is simply a mass of evil, and the sooner it is got rid of, the better.

8. Uphold Your Ideals : Our duty is to encourage every one in his struggle to live up to his own highest idea, and strive at the same time to make the ideal as near as possible to the Truth.

9. Listen To Your Soul : You have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher but your own soul.

10. Be Yourself : The greatest religion is to be true to your own nature. Have faith in yourselves!

11. Nothing Is Impossible : Never think there is anything impossible for the soul. It is the greatest heresy to think so. If there is sin, this is the only sin - to say that you are weak, or others are weak.

12. You Have The Power : All the powers in the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark.

13. Learn Everyday : The goal of mankind is knowledge... now this knowledge is inherent in man. No knowledge comes from outside: it is all inside. What we say a man 'knows', should, in strict psychological language, be what he 'discovers' or 'unveils'; what man 'learns' is really what he discovers by taking the cover off his own soul, which is a mine of infinite knowledge.

14. Be Truthful : Everything can be sacrificed for truth, but truth cannot be sacrificed for anything.

15. Think Different : All differences in this world are of degree, and not of kind, because oneness is the secret of everything.

As he said: "It is our own mental attitude, which makes the world what it is for us. Our thoughts make things beautiful, our thoughts make things ugly. The whole world is in our own minds. Learn to see things in the proper light..."
 

Gandhi's Talisman

"I will give you a talisman. Whenever you are in doubt, or when the self becomes too much with you, apply the following test. Recall the face of the poorest and the weakest man [woman] whom you may have seen, and ask yourself, if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him [her]. Will he [she] gain anything by it? Will it restore him [her] to a control over his [her] own life and destiny? In other words, will it lead to swaraj [freedom] for the hungry and spiritually starving millions?


Then you will find your doubts and your self melt away."

- One of the last notes left behind by Gandhi in 1948, expressing his deepest social thought.

Source: Mahatma Gandhi [Last Phase, Vol. II (1958), P. 65].